Episode 7, originally published 28-Nov-96

Christine-in-it-y

Cricket is with Benita. They have plainly been talking for a while, as evidenced by her raised voice and stressed tone. She lectures: "Benita, if you won't take my advice about your husband, you're just a loser. Don't you see that? You shouldn't associate yourself with people who try to control you--who don't treat you like a winner." Benita is silent for a moment, then she says, "You are right Christine. ... So please leave." Christine looks at her, puzzled. "You are trying to control me, and making me feel like I'm not a winner; so I should not associate myself with you. Good-bye." Cricket looks stunned for a moment, then indignant, then finally realizes what is going on. "Suit yourself," she says, as she walks out, still amazed that anyone would behave this way toward her.

Victor has his glasses on and is sitting at his office desk working on papers. He looks up suddenly and virtually glares at something across the room, then goes back to his reading. A moment later, he looks up again. He mutters under his breath. "Don't think I don't see you there. Watching me. I've been keeping a log of your comings and goings though and you won't get away with it. He points his pen to a document on his desk, clearly labeled `European Sales'." He goes back to his work.

Legal aid. As the scene opens, Cricket is on the phone and we hear the tail end of a conversation which is obviously not a plot we're seeing on-screen. It's just an manifestation of the authors' belief that Cricket's true potential is not realized on-screen and that we should be aware that anything we see her doing on screen is just the tip of a veritable iceberg of virtues she carries with her in her heart at all times. "Now listen here Mr. Carver, you either return the full two million dollars that you swindled from the widow Grady and her home school for handicapped orphans or I promise I'll--I'll-- the check is in the mail? Wow. Well, uh, let that be a lesson to you!" She hangs up the phone with special force, and it starts to ring almost as soon as she puts it down. She picks it up and says grumpily, "Hello?"

Malcolm is at the hospital looking around. "I'm looking for Dr. Stephanie Simmons." The nurse gives her a wide-eyed stare and hurries away quickly. Another nurse comes out, "Hello. Can I help you." "Yes, I was looking for Dr. Stephanie Simmons." A slight wince but she holds her ground, "I'm not familiar with that name--just let me check." She pretends to check her clipboard for a moment. "No, perhaps you're at the wrong hospital." "There's another hospital in Genoa City??" Malcolm says, surprised. "No, of course not," the woman replies quickly. "But you might have meant to be in New York or LA. I understand those cities have hospitals, perhaps more than one each." Malcolm looks skeptical. "No, I'm sure this is the hospital. And you're saying she's just gone. An unperson, is that right?" "No, sir. I'm saying she was never here. Not a person to begin with."

Cut back to Cricket, who again, and just as grumpily, asks, "Hello?" The camera pans across the room in some kind of weird disconcerting fade that misleadingly suggests that the caller is in the room. But her voice has an Italian quality to it. "Is this il inse`tto, uh, Mrs. Cricket Blair?" "Williams--Cristine Williams," she corrects. "Ah, yes, I am sorry Mrs. Williams," the caller says, correcting herself. "I am calling from the Vatican and would like to arrange an appointment for you to meet the Pope. As you may know, His Holiness will be visiting Genoa City tomorrow on his tour of major cities of the world, and he has requested specifically that I arrange audience--" "Oh, absolutely. Sure." "Very well, until tomorrow then."

It's the Williams residence the following morning. Cricket is just finishing dressing herself for the morning event. We have the sense this is not the first outfit she's chosen. "How's this?" "Heavenly," Paul responds calmly, hoping this is the last time. "I just want it to be perfect." Paul stands and brushes her hair back from her shoulders. "You'll knock him dead." "Paul! Don't make jokes like that. Do you know how fragile his health has been? If he collapsed here, I don't know what I'd do." "Well, I could stand in for him," Paul continues, "and we could smuggle the body out the back stairs. Just think, another Pope Paul..." "Paul!! You're going to get us condemned to eternal damnation," Cricket protests. "Oh, lighten up, Chris," Paul responds, "I'm sure your lawyering skills can get us out if it comes to that." Their chatter is interrupted by a knock at the door. It's the Pope.

"Your eminence," Cricket says as she opens the door. "Please, come in." He nods to her and hobbles in, followed by a small entourage who remain in background ready to service any needs he might have. He sits on the couch. "I have come, Christine, to discuss sainthood with you." "Sainthood. My goodness, I'm not worthy," she replies. "Yes, that is so. It is what has troubled us so. You are perfect in so many ways. Yet you have recently left us puzzled with your decision to marry. If you did not want children, why did you marry. And since you married, why have you not set out in earnest to have children." Paul starts to say "Did my mother put you up to this?" but Cricket shushes him. Cricket looks at him skeptically, "Forget about me, look at your own life. You're supposed to be out there giving religious guidance to the world, and what--you're spending your time in the hospital. I think you need to take a good hard look at yourself and think about whether you're really doing all you can for the world or if it's perhaps time for someone else to step in and be Pope. Until you've got your own personal problems resolved, how can you dare to be telling me what I should be doing. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm godmother to a very sick baby and I have to be there to pray for it. Good day, your excellency." She leaves, with Paul in tow and the Pope's party remaining behind in her living room as if lightning had just struck.

Hope arrives in Victor's office. Victor looks around. "Ah, they've gone." "Who are gone, Victor?" "You wouldn't know them. But they're here often. Why have you come?" "I just wanted some company." "Company? Company! They're out to take away my company, too." "Victor, I didn't hear anyone." "No, they can be devious that way. But they were here." Hope looks concerned. "Victor, you're losing it." "They've spoken to you, haven't they?" he says, suddenly concerned. "They told you to deny it but you're not covering well enough. Yes, that's it. And you want my money. You want my company. Well, you can't have it. Can't have it I tell you... Where is my lawyer--where is Christine. She'll stop you. She won't let you take it from me."

Cut to the hospital. All are gathered around Little Danny, who is deathly sick. Cricket asks, "Dr. Hastings, what are you doing to help him?" "There's little more that can be done, Christine. We're all praying, but it doesn't seem to be working." Cricket shakes her head disdainfully, "Well, duh... You can't just stand around praying without any idea of what you're doing and expect it to have some impact." She takes a moment to pray, and then looks expectantly at the wall thermometer as the temperature drops for the first time in days.

Malcolm enters. "Hey you guys, something weird is going on. Dr. Stephanie's become an unperson. The hospital has no record of her ever having been here." Cricket sighs, "Come on, Paul, let's see what happened." Phyllis turns to Danny and whispers, "Watch over Little Danny. I'm going to tag along and learn how this unperson stuff is done..." She gives him a mischievous little smile--her first in days...and we relax in the sudden hope that future episodes may be more bug-free than this miserable one turned out to be.

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 8!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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