Episode 3, originally published 22-Oct-96

Three Outs

Victor learns from Paul that Joshua's first wife is not really dead. Convinced a scam is afoot, he bolts over to the ranch and kicks down the front door. Victor races up the stairs and into the master bedroom, where he finds Joshua tying Nikki's arms with daisy-covered scarves to the bedpost. He surveys the scene and mutters a knowing ``Ah, huh, just as I suspected.'' Then, in a voice tone that rises suddenly toward audibility, he says ``You... you punk... I knew you were no good.'' He pulls a gun from his black leather rescue jacket (which he has apparently changed into on his way over) and says ``Now, you little scum, you're going to tell me everything about this little scam of a marryage you have perpetrated on my former wife.''

It's a Saturday night near Halloween, and Ryan's hotel is full of people in wild costumes, partying. As Victoria had expected, Ryan is ordering food in alone in his hotel room. She distracts the room service guy momentarily and drugs his coffee. Later, disguised as a space alien, she calls for room service to bring up towels. When the maid arrives, she stops her in the hall and says "Are those the towels I just ordered? Just leave them in my room." and starts to walk on, but as soon as the maid has the door open she says, "On second thought, I'll take care of them." She takes the towels from the maid, and pushes her way into the room, shutting the door behind the maid, who just shrugs and walks away.

Josh, realizing Victor is nuts, decides he'd better give up. He bursts into tears and admits that he's impotent. His first wife left him because of it. He made up the story about her dying because it was less embarrassing than admitting his weakness. He's been struggling for excuses not to have sex with Nikki, hoping that by the time the issue finally comes up, she'd love him so much she'd stay with him anyway. That's why he had to pretend to be worried about the death certificate at the airport--there was none. "I'm sorry for lying about my former wife's death, but the marriage was legally anulled and there's nothing improper about the present marriage."

Once inside, Victoria clears a table and lays Ryan atop it. She pulls down a bright light over him, and undresses him. Ryan momentarily regains consciousness but is very woozy. Through a fogged lens, he sees a space alien atop him and a very bright light behind it. He hears a distorted, alien voice telling him their race is dying and they need his seed to make a new race. Then a hand waves something under his nose and he passes out again. (Commercial break.)

For a moment it is no longer Saturday night. Adam has called a board meeting to announce he is leaving. Much though he's enjoyed his time at Jabot, memories of what happened here in Genoa City to his cousin Shawn continue to haunt him. And anyway, the petroleum companies have offered him a huge sum of money to develop "good smelling gasoline" so that when people get gas on their hands at the pump, they won't have to go wash up after afterwards.

Apparently satisfied that she got what she wanted, the space alien dresses Ryan in a haphazard way, resets the table, and leaves him lying on the floor. Moments later, he starts to regain consciousness. "What a weird dream," he thinks. Then he notices that his underwear is on inside out and calls Nina. "You're not going to believe this," he says, as he offers his blurry account of being raped by space aliens. "Space aliens?" asks Nina. "No way! If you've been having great cosmic sex with Victoriarella, how about you just keep it to yourself." "It's not like that," he pleads. But according to prevailing Genoa City telephone protocol, the phone has already hung up without so much as a "good-bye".

Back to Victor and Nikki and Joshua. Nikki glares at Victor. "Now, Victor, don't you feel stupid," she says. "The scarves were just for fun, and you're spoiling it. So will you please get out of here. And on your way out, could you ask Miguel to replace the front door again, since you no doubt kicked it in for dramatic effect instead of using your key? Thank you..."

Cut to Victoria at the all night Genoa City Sperm-Bank-O-Rama wanting to make a deposit. "I want to keep most of it on tap but use a little of it now for a first injection." "No problem", the attendant (who looks a lot like a refugee from the Love Boat) says, "I'll just need two forms of identification." "ID? I'm Victoria Newman and my father is Victor Newman." "Ok, says the attendant. That sounds like two identifications to me."

Victoria walks to a nearby pay phone, in the lobby of the Sperm-Bank-O-Rama. "Ryan? You won't believe what just happened. I was driving along the road to the ranch and there was this silver thing in the sky and -- no, this is just too silly. You'll never believe it." "No, Vikki, go on." "OK, well, I stopped the car and these guys in spacesuits came out and took me in. They laid me on a table and poked at me with strange metal devices. I'm not sure what they were doing. Oh, Ryan, it was so scary. And I'm afraid no one will believe me--they'll think it was just that Dr. Josh guy invading my space." "Well, I believe you Vikki. Can we get together?" But the attendant is calling her name from behind the desk. "Uh, I have something I have to do first; how about in an hour?"

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 4!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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