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Episode 126, originally published 23-May-99

Crowded Company

Doris looks up from her desk at Collins & Sons to find Cassie and Sharon standing in the doorway. Fortunately, even though it's been months since she's seen them, she still recognizes them and accepts them as family. "Well, hello strangers," she says, rubbing it in a little. "Sorry we haven't been by, Mom, but we've been busy with this custody battle." Doris nods understandingly. "So what can I do for my girls?" she asks. Cassie giggles, happy to be considered part of the family in these trying times. "We need some legal help," Sharon explains. "I thought you had Christine Williams for that," Doris says uncertainly. "We do," Sharon says, "but she says it looks bad at this point." "Because I screwed up--" "Cassie!" Sharon exclaims, alarmed at her language. Cassie gulps back the words and puts her hands over her mouth. "Sorry," she says. "I mean I made a boo-boo. Mr. Morgenstern played a game with me and my dollhouse--" "So he could see what your family life was like?" Doris asks. "Right," Cassie says. Then she turns to Sharon and adds, "See, Mommy, I told you Gramma Doris would know this game and would know something to do." She turns back to Doris and continues. "He tricked me into telling him that Nicholas, I mean Daddy, is still sleeping on the couch." Doris nods and thinks for a minute. "So now he thinks things aren't rosy on the home front," Doris says. "Girl, I told you a long time ago you should make peace with your husband." Sharon cringes a little. "I know, Mom. I know. You were right. But can we just focus on the situation we have now? Can you help us?" "You have to help us," Cassie adds. "I promised Mommy you'd be able to."

Ashley is with Jack at their home. She has just come from seeing Brooke Logan and is hopping mad. "Jack, Brooke tells me the money Victor promised was a credit line, not a cash transaction, and was for only $20 million, not $200 million." "It's her word against mine. Who are you going to believe?" "Well, she has a signed letter of intent from Victor. It looks authentic. And it's a lot easier to add a zero than remove one." "A signed--uh, gee--I didn't even think of that. I just assumed it would be a voice thing," Jack sputters. "Come clean, Jackie, what's really going on?" Jack paces angrily. "All right, all right. I guess I'd better tell you. This is about a man I love very much." "Huh?" Ashley says. "Someone you love as well." "Dad?" she asks. "No, not Dad--Brad. Don't tell me you didn't miss him when he was away in Italy." "I did. But--you?" "What can I say, sis," Jack admits. "I never thought I'd admit it, but after all these years--I think I've finally decided I'm gay."

In the courtroom, Doris wheels up to the desk where Cricket is. Cricket looks to Sharon, puzzled. "Move over, Ms. Williams," Doris says. "You're just co-counsel today. My daughter's called in the hired guns." Cricket looks agian to Sharon, but Sharon just shrugs and nods. "Is there some problem?" the judge asks. "Your honor, I'm Attorney Doris Collins. I'll be representing my daughter today if you don't mind." "This is a bit irregular..." the judge says, "but very well. I take it you're up to speed on the case?" Doris nods. "Very well," says the judge, "I understand the attorney for Ms. Johnson will be calling Mr. Morgenstern today?" Michael nods. A bailiff calls Ted Morgenstern.

"Wait a minute," Ashley says. "I'm starting to smell a rat. You're really desperate to find a way out of this thing with Diane, aren't you?" Jack blushes. "Is it that obvious?" he asks. Ash nods. "All right, you were right in the first place. It is about Dad. Ash, I feel terrible that I talked him into putting Jabot on the auction block. I had to get it back for him." "But Jack, Jabot is such a tiny holding of Newman Enterprises. Did you really need to take over the whole company just to get at Jabot?" Jack pauses. "You know--I never thought about it that way. We have staff slipping back and forth between the Newman Enterprises board and the Jabot board so interchangeably that I forget their different legal entities." "Well, you'd better start to learn the difference because you're focusing on the wrong company." "Good point," Jack admits. "Next time you should remind me sooner." "Next time, you should include me in your planning so I don't risk upsetting such a nice gesture for our father." "So we're on the same page?" Jack asks. Ashley nods. "Jackie, for once I actually agree with you. This may not have been such a bad idea after all. That is--if you give Newman Enterprises back to the Newmans when you're done getting Jabot back for Dad." "Aw," Jack says. "Do I have to? You know, yours truly could really run it a lot better than the Black Knight if given have a chance." "Maybe so, but it's not right."

"So you see, I had intended to recommend that Baby Doe remain with Mrs. Newman until I learned this piece of information from her daughter about the sleeping arrangements at the Newman household," Ted says, concluding his testimony. Michael smiles smugly and turns to Doris. "Your witness." Doris rolls up to Mr. Morgenstern and says "How would you summarize young Cassie's state after your meeting with her?" "Well," Ted admits, "she was quite distraught. But that's understandable given what had just transpired." "Yes, I suppose that would be one way of interpreting the facts." "The use of dolls is highly reliable evidence," Ted explains. "Sometimes it expresses information more clearly than words." "Thank you," Doris says, "you may step down."

"Give it back?" Brad says to Jack. "Are you crazy? After all this effort you want to just give it back?" "The only point was to get back Jabot," Jack explains. "Well, geez, nice of you to let me know. Will you at least let me give it back my way?" "Your way, Junior? And how exactly is that." "You'll see. Come on, Jacko. It's the least you can do having led me on this way." "Oh, all right. Just make sure it does go back or my sister will never let us hear the last of it." "Believe me, I have no interest in upsetting your sister," Brad says.

Doris turns to the judge and says, "Your honor, at this time I'd like to call a rebuttal witness to impeach Mr. Morgenstern's testimony." There is a surprised murmur in the courtroom, and the judge bangs the gavel to get order. "Who would you like to call?" "Baby Doe, your honor." More noise of surprise. More banging of gavel. "I will have order," the judge says. "Is the girl present?" the judge asks. Doris nods. "She's waiting out in the hall, your honor." The judge nods and motions to the door. "Call her forward." "Baby Doe," the bailiff calls. Cassie enters and takes the stand. The bailiff comes in and offers her a Bible. "Do you swear the evidence you will give will be truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" he asks. "I do," she says proudly. "State your court-appointed fake name for the record," the bailiff says. "I can't," Cassie says. "What do you mean you can't?" the judge asks. "It's not the truth. My name is Cassie, not Baby Doe." The judge nods understandingly and says, "It's ok. We'll skip that part. The witness will be considered properly sworn in. Proceed, Ms. Collins."

Doris goes to a table off to the side where a dollhouse sits that was used in Ted's testimony. "Cassie," I want you to show me with dolls just what happened while Mr. Morgenstern was alone with you. When you got so upset. Cassie nods. "Well, I was here..." "On the couch?" Doris asks. Cassie nods. "And Mr. Morgenstern was here," she says. "Also on the couch?" Cassie nods. "Show me with the dolls." Cassie does. The dolls don't quite fit that way and the Morgenstern doll falls onto the Cassie doll. "Wait!" Doris says. "What happened there?" "The Mr. Morgenstern doll fell all over the Cassie doll," Cassie says. "But it's ok. I'll fix it." "We can't do that, can we?" "We can't?" Doris shakes her head. "No, we can't. As Mr. Morgenstern explained in his testimony, the dolls often say things that people wouldn't say out loud. And we don't get to go back and correct misstatements, do we?" Cassie shakes her head. "He didn't let me correct myself when I was talking to him." "So it's only fair that we not correct you now either, right?" Doris asks. Cassie smiles. "Right." "Your honor," Doris says, "These dolls have testified that Mr. Morgenstern caused an unwanted touching of young Baby Doe here. I suggest that you have that man taken into custody and charged with assault on a minor. I also ask that you consider that his statements may have been prejudiced by a desire to get the little girl away from her mother so he could go after her more easily." The judge looks to Michael for objection but he has no. The judge bangs the gavel. "Bailiff, take that man into custody and have him brought up on charges!" Doris rolls back to the witness table and whispers to Christine, "You can take it from here, girl. Should be softball from here on out." "Yippee!" Cassie says, bounding down from the stand. "Come on, Baby Doe," Doris says, "I'll buy you an ice cream."

Nikki is in her living room when the doorbell rings. "I'll get it, Miguel," she yells as she goes to get the door. "Brad!" she exclaims as she opens it. "What are YOU doing here?" she asks coldly. "I don't want to have anything to do with you," she insists. "Because you think I took over the company just to spite Victor?" "Of course I think so. What else can I think?" "I don't know, Nikki. I guess I thought you'd give me more credit than that. But since you won't, I've decided to give you my share of the company, Nikki." Nikki blinks. "You what??" "You heard me," Brad says. "But--but--why?" "Because I love you, Nikki. You seem not to believe me, but maybe with this gesture, you will." Nikki swoons. She loves nothing more than to see people expend large amounts of cash or capital foolishly over her. "Brad, I don't know what to say," she gasps. "Say you'll make love with me, Nikki. Just once, before Victor returns." Her jaw drops. She looks tempted. "But-- Victor--he's my husband, and I--" "Then divorce Victor. Just for a little while. You can marry him again when he returns if you want. Come on, Nik. Isn't it what Victor would do?"

In her living room, Nikki is pondering Brad's proposition. "You know, Brad, you're right. Victor would do that. And it's me you're giving your share of the company to, right? Not Victor?" Brad nods. "That's right, Nik. And it comes with control of Wally and the corporate jet, so that any time you want sex with me or--well, just about anyone--you can hop on the jet and go down to the Dominican Republic for a quick divorce and marriage to the other person. Even if just for the weekend." She shivers a little. "Oh, Brad, I finally can see why Victor loves being a corporate executive. I'll do it," she says excitedly. The camera drops to a shot of her feet with clothing falling around it. The camera pans right to see Brad kicking off his shoes, pants falling, and feet stepping out of them. Then back to Nikki's feet, which are lifted up out of sight of the camera. Just then, there is the sound of a door opening and the camera swings toward over and up to find Rafael staring. "Oh," he says, "I seem to be inerrupting something." His eyes catch on something. "But no madder," he adds, "I can see zis is going to be shord, no? I'll come back." The camera cuts to a head-shot of Nikki in Brad's arms. "Rafael, wait, I--" Rafael turns back to her. "No, Nikki. Is ok. I unnerstand now why that friend of yours, Yack Abbott, calls this man Yunior. But zen, he has not the blood of a Spaniard in him, no? You go ahead with zis, zis, Yunior. I go find mi amigo Miguel and get him to fix me a san'wich. I meet back with you when you're ready for a--how you say in your coun'ry--a real man, no?"

In the board room, the crucial vote is about to be taken, to reconfirm the takeover. "Before we take this vote," Jack says, "I want to do something for a woman I truly love. So she'll know just how much I do love her." Jack pushes a piece of paper toward Nikki. She looks at it and gasps. "You're giving me your share of the company?" she asks. Jack nods. "That's right, Nikki. As a gesture of my love for you." "I don't know what to say," she says. "Say you'll marry me, Nik." "Hello?" Diane says. "What's going on here? Remember me?" Jack shrugs. "I'm sorry, Diane, I have to go where my heart takes me," Jack says. "But--I just married Brad!" Nikki explains. "Though I suppose I could get Wally to--" "Hey!" Brad says. "What am I? Chopped liver? I know I said you could divorce me any time, but I didn't think you really would." Neil clears his throat. "Uh, shouldn't we be voting on who to give control of Newman Enterprises to?" Jill turns to Diane and says, "Why vote? It looks like Nikki here is accumulating all the marbles herself. One more block of shares and she wouldn't even need our vote." "Well, I'm not giving her mine," Diane says, "because I want Victor back in the driver's seat... if you know what I mean." Jill nods. "Oh, when you put it that way, so do I." They turn to Ashley. "What do you say, Ashley? Shall we make it final? Control to be returned to Victor?"

In the New Mexico desert, Victor and Chet are in hand-to-hand combat. Victor grabs a large rock and strikes Chet with it. Chet falls back to the ground, motionless. Victor checks his pulse. "Is he--?" Ramona asks. "I'm sorry," Victor mumbles. "I'm afraid he's going to need more than just Aloe Vera this time," he explains. "Chet is dead." Just then, Chet enters. They get up and start to stumble finally toward the gate to leave when suddenly they hear a familiar voice behind them. "Not so fast," Chet says. "Huh? I killed you," Victor says. "You killed one of me," Chet says. "You wondered what I've been working on out here in the desert? Well, it has to do with cloning," he explains. "Cloning," says another Chet entering, "and anthrax." "Anthrax?" the first Chet asks. "That's right, Anthrax." "Wait a minute," says another Chet entering, "I thought it was a computer virus. When you said to work on a virus, I thought you meant a compute virus." "So you didn't get any anthrax?" the second Chet asks. "No, but I called the computer virus Anthrax. Anthrax 1900." "Anthrax 1900?" "Well, it's a long story, but there was a bug in the program and--" "A bug in a bug?" the first Chet asks in an irritated tone. Yet another Chet enters and says, "Wait a minute. What are all of me doing out where Victor can see you? You're going to spoil everything."

Just as Ashley is about to vote, the door to the board room opens. It's Rafael. "Wait juss a minute. This woman she cannot vote, no?" he says. "Who is this man?" Jill asks. "The word has not spread far and wide of my powerful presence?" Rafael asks. "I am Rafael. An' you, my dear Ashley, love of my life, you cannot vote." "Can we have some order here?" Neil asks. "This is supposed to be a board meeting," he reminds them. "Ah, that is good, because I have enough shares to buy a seat here, I theenk," Rafael says. "Shares? How?" Diane asks. "It ees somethin' of a long story," Rafael says, "but I will try to esplain. You see, there was a confusion about a pain'ing. A copy of it had been sold to a Lady Huddleston, rather than an original. This embarrassed our fair Ashley, who feared Lady Huddleston would not appreciate the copy. So she bought back the original with her shares. But then Lady Huddleston was the owner of the shares. And she returned the copy of the painting, for which she has the original, to me. You are following all this, no?"

Victor whispers to Ramona. "You see what is going on here? These Chets are mad! We have got to get out of here while they are busy discussing which of several ways they are going to destroy the world." Ramona whispers back, "Now at least I understand why Chet seemed so insatiable." They start inching for the gate. "Not so fast, Mister," all the chets say together. "You can't leave yet." "Oh, yeah?" Victor says defiantly. "And why is that?" "All right," one of the Chets says, "the truth. The truth is that I'm a writer for this show and I have no idea what's supposed to happen next on the show. These other Chets are just some of drafts I wrote of possible futures for you. Various awful fates I thought I might have in store for you. But I'm the real Chet and I'm just not sure." "Well," Victor says, "you just watch this." He starts to move toward the gate. "Wait, you can't," Chet protests. "I haven't written this." "I'm afraid I'm ad libbing," Victor calls back to him over his shoulder as he takes Ramona's hand and they run toward the gate.

Rafael continues his story. "Ok, well, you see I wen' to Lady Huddleston and offered to sell her back the painting she had before, esplaining that it was jus' a copy. She loved the pain'ing very much, you see, even knowing now that it was a copy, and she give me all those shares in order to have zee pain'ing, which--" He stops to look at the wall of the board room. "Oh, look," he continues, "I see you foun' a place to hang it up. It is very pretty, zee original, you know? So, as I was saying, I own zee shares, and Lady Huddleston, she own zee copy. And Ashley, though she have a very nice pain'ing, is not the board member--it is I, no?" Ashley fumes, gets up from the table, and breaks the original of La Señora Descolorada over Rafael's head. He stands there looking stunned for a moment. Anger is building up in him. "I was goin' to suggest we swap, Ashley. Me my shares for you the original of the pain'ing. Then all would be as when we started and everyone they would be happy, no? But now zee pain'ing she is no more, an' you have nothing to trade... so... perhaps I should take my place at zee table and we should clear board room of those who no longer belong." Ashley storms out.

Chet pulls out a hand-held computer and logs in remotely to his system, where he quickly edits the scene to include a large earthquake that rocks under Victor's feet. Both he and Ramona are thrown to the ground. A crack opens up underneath them and they start to fall. Fortunately, Victor grasps a tree limb with one hand and Ramona's hand with the other. They hang perilously, looking up at Chet. "You've got to get us out of here," Victor says. "No, I don't," Chet says. "And why the hell not?" Victor says. "Because," Chet explains, "this is the first real cliff-hanger I've managed to write in this whole sad, protracted storyline. Whatever more happens with you, it won't be today."

"You know," Nikki whispers to Rafael as he sits next to her, "I recently came into enough shares that you and I could together have controlling interest in the company." Rafael smiles at her and whispers back, "Are you theenkin' what I'm theenkin'? A quick trip to the Dominican Republic to take care of your little fling with Yunior... and..." She smiles. Rafael turns to the room. "All in favor of giving me and Nikki the company?" No one raises their hand. Rafael shrugs. "Well, it doesn't really matter, no? Because Nikki and I, we have enough shares that we don't need your cooperation. So thank you for time. This meeting is adjourned." He presses a button on the speaker phone. "Coney? This is Rafael. I will be your new boss now. Please have--how you say in your coun'ry?--severance checks drawn up for all the peoples who didn't vote for me. Thank you." The others file out, leaving just Nikki and Rafael. "Now," he says, "I think we still have some important business here on the table, no?"


That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 127!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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Copyright 1999, Kent M. Pitman. All Rights Reserved.