Episode 103, originally published 13-Jul-98

Strange Love

It's Saturday and Nick is hard at work with Grace. We join their conversation in the middle. "Don't you understand, Nick," Grace exclaims, "I love YOU. It's you you you I love." Nick stares at her. "You're saying you love ME?" Nick says. Grace rolls her eyes. "Yes, that's right," she says calmly, trying not to let his general mental slowness get in the way of her attraction to his body and his money. "I dunno, Grace," Nick says. "I never had to handle a situation like this. I think I'll go talk to Dad about having you transferred to another department so we won't have to be around each other." He starts to walk out the door. Grace is in a panic. "Nick, don't! You'll regret it--you will!" But Nick is determined and he leaves.

Later that evening, Nick is with Sharon at their home. "You're never going to believe what your best friend said to me today," Nick says. "What did Tony say?" Sharon says. "Not Tony, Grace," Nick says, unable to see why she'd be confused on this point. "Oh, right," Sharon says, just thankful he didn't pick up on the slip. "What did she have to say?" Sharon probes. "Well, she said she loved me," Nick blurts out matter-of-factly. Sharon is appalled. "She did WHAT?" she shouts. "She said she loved me." Sharon paces angrily back and forth. "Oh, I always knew that girl was up to no good. So what did you say?" she fumes. Nick comes to Sharon and puts his arms around her. "Hey, easy there. Don't worry--I told her I'd have nothing to do with it. I immediately went to Dad and had her transferred."

Sunday afternoon. Mary Williams is sitting with Louise, Pearl, Shirley, Elsie, Clarisse, and others in the recreation room of their local church. Each is busy knitting away and they are no doubt intermittently swapping stories about how distant their families have grown, how their children are marrying the wrong people, and how they wish they had more grandchildren. There is a knock at the door and everyone looks up to see Megan peeking her head in the door. Mary squints at the clock on the wall. "My goodness," she says, "is it that time already?" "I can come back another time," Megan says. "No, no, dear. This is fine, really. I can do this knitting any time. My family leaves me with SO MUCH free time," she says with the kind of drama and angst in her voice that makes one want to cry for her. She puts down the knitting and says to her friends, "I'll be back in a little while." The women each nod understandingly as she gets up and takes Megan into another, smaller room nearby.

"So how has it been going with you?" Mary inquires of Megan. "With me? Oh, things are going really well. My boyfriend--Alec--and I are very happy." Mary raises an eyebrow skeptically. "Not TOO happy, I hope. It doesn't do to be too happy before one is properly married." Megan puts a hand on Mary's and reassures her, "It's ok, Mary. I would never betray my commitment to the church. That's why I'm here--so that I can learn from my elders how to grow deeper, more meaningful relationships with my family. Only--I feel as if no matter how hard I try, I'm just growing more distant from my sister Trish." Mary puts on an expression of concern and asks, "Well, first let's review what we've learned in previous sessions. Did you try expressing your love for your sister by emphasizing how highly you regard her?" "You mean by telling her this guy she's engaged to isn't good enough for her?" Mary nods, and Megan responds, "Absolutely. But it didn't help. Trisha just thought I wasn't being understanding." Mary smiles a knowing smile and suggests, "Did you then underscore your fierce loyalty to her by encouraging her to take more charge of things?" Megan clarifies, "You mean did I tell her I thought she should break up with Ryan, the only man she's ever claimed to love?" Mary nods. "Exactly." Megan sighs and says, "Yes, I did all that Mary, only it's not working. I don't know what it is. It's like she wants to run her own life or something." Mary gets a smug look on her face and says, "I'm familiar with that kind of reaction--my only son Paul does that kind of thing to me all the time."

From the doorway, Pearl speaks out to Mary and Megan, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, but I was getting some water and overheard some of what you said. Mary, I think this girl needs to try Plan L." "Plan L?" Megan asks. Mary considers the suggestion and says, "You may be right, Pearl. I hesitate to suggest that to someone so young, but there may indeed be no choice." "What's Plan L?" Megan repeats. "It's named for an old friend of ours, Lily-Belle Barber. It basically involves becoming despondent, refusing to eat, that kind of thing," Pearl explains. "One has to use it carefully," Mary adds. Pearl agrees heartily, "You got that right. Poor old Lily-Belle actually died from her refusal to eat. That's not what we think of as a totally optimal outcome." "Died? Really?" Megan asks. Mary nods earnestly. "True indeed. Admittedly, it does leave others with a profound sense of guilt at having caused your death, and sometimes it can lead to a person posthumously following your wishes. But we prefer to try not to let it go that far. It's much more satisfying if you can be around to talk to your loved one once they've realized how right you are. When I tried this tactic with Paul and Christine, I tried very hard not to actually harm myself." "Did it work? Did you finally earn their respect?" "No, not really," Mary says with a sigh. "I don't know what it is with that girl," she says. "It's like she lives a charmed life and always gets her own way. But it's worked with other people. For example, that young Phillip Chancellor." "Phillip? He's a friend of yours?" Mary chuckles. "Oh, my Lord, yes. He came to us a while back looking for help in reuniting his family. I've been advising him for quite some time. He's quite a bright boy, you know." "You mean he's not really depressed?" "Oh, goodness, no. Well, he's sad about his parents, but mostly he's just a very manipulative young boy. But he does want his family to reunite, and we at the we church like that kind of thing, so we gave him a few pointers on how he might make that happen..."

Meanwhile, at his office, Nick is at the office trying to figure out how to use a computer. He isn't succeeding. Finally, he calls Sharon. Getting no answer, he tries her at her mother's (where he finds her). "I dunno, Sharon," he says. "It's really hard being without Grace," he says. "What do you mean, honey?" she asks. "Well, she used to do all the computer stuff. And the paperwork stuff." "What part did you do?" Nick thinks for a while and finally says, "I don't know. I used to pace a lot and try to think of things, but Grace mostly beat me to it so I guess I never had to actually do anything. What worries me, though, is that Dad might expect more of me. And I'm not sure I can deliver. And if he picks up on that--well, I might not get my inheritance. Dad really likes people who are good at business." "And you're not?" "Well, Grace and I were. But I guess it was mostly Grace. I think I'm going to ask her to come back to my department." "Nick! Don't!" Sharon pleads. Nick sighs. "Well, I'll think some more about it. But I don't see how I'm going to..."

From her cell phone, Megan calls Trisha. "Megan, where are you?" Trisha says into her own cell phone. "You were supposed to be here helping me pick out a wedding dress!" "I'm sorry, Sis. I just couldn't get out of bed, that's all." "Meg, are you sick?" "I'm not sure--it's only been going on a couple of days so it's hard to tell." "A couple of days!? You haven't been out of bed in a couple of days?" "Nope," Megan lies. "I guess I just haven't been hungry." "But Meg, there are other reasons to get out of bed than eating." "There are?" Meg asks innocently. "Well, sure. Like shopping." "Well, you'll have to do the shopping from now on, I'm afraid. I just don't see the point." "Meg, how long has this been going on?" "I don't know really. A few days. Since right after I was at your house--I think it was right after you told me about your secret wedding. Somehow I just got kind of depressed and..." "Meg! If having a secret marriage is going to have you getting sick, I'll just tell Ryan we'll have to wait until we can have a real wedding." "Thanks, Trish. You're a really special sister." They hang up. Suddenly Megan enters the store where Trish is standing. "Megan!" Trish says, "What are you doing here?" "I felt suddenly better," Megan says. "Hey, since you're not shopping for a wedding dress maybe we should go get some lunch together--suddenly I'm feeling starved..."

The next day, Sharon has gone to visit Doris at the Law Offices of Collins & Sons. "So you're having trouble with Nicholas?" she asks. "I'm afraid it might be. Mom, Grace told Nick she was in love with him." "And what did your husband do?" Doris asks. "He was a model husband--he transferred her to another department." "Girl, that's wonderful. Not many women have husbands so loyal." "But Mom--it turns out Nick knows nothing about business and he's thinking he'd better get Grace back before anyone notices." Doris thinks for a moment. "You're in trouble, Girl," bshe says. "What am I going to do, Mom?" "I'll tell you what you're going to do--you're going to wait while I go get something from my van and then you're going to follow my instructions to the letter."

Over at the TexMex Diner, in spite of having been rated in local papers by Gourmet Restaurant Critic Extraordinaire Cole Howard as a truly wonderful place to eat, no one is dropping by. Veronica is alone with Barry. Worse, Barry is getting friskier with his moves, and Veronica is trying to avoid them. "I'm warning you," she says. "Don't push me." But Barry doesn't listen. He grabs her and tries to kiss her, squeezing her arms too tightly as he does... Uh, oh. Her arms start to bulge and her skin turns green. Her eyes look green, too. Could it be? Veronica has become The Incredible Hulkette! A quick shift of camera angle masks the entrance of Sigourney Weaver to play her green-skinned stunt double, who moves quickly to knee Barry in the groin and drive a huge carving knife into his back. Then she goes stumbling out into the alley.

A few minutes later, Doris returns from her van with a tape recorder and attaches it to Sharon's phone. Then she tells Sharon, "I want you to call Grace and invite her to go horsebackriding with you this afternoon." "Mom! Don't you understand? Grace and I are not on good terms. She'd never agree." "I know that, Girl. Now call." Sharon sighs and follows her mom's directions. "Grace Turner," Grace answers from her office. "Hi, Grace," Sharon begins. "It's me, Sharon. I was wondering if you'd want to come over this afternoon and go horseback riding." There is a pause. "I don't think so. Thanks for asking." Doris whispers, "Ask her and Tony to the mountains for the weekend." Sharon looks uncertainly at Doris who motions her to just do it. "How about a trip to the mountains this weekend?" Sharon asks. "I can't. Aren't you getting the idea? I don't want to come over there. This double-dating is getting too unpleasant for me. I don't have time for you guys." "Ok," Sharon says, surprised and a little annoyed. "I gotta go," Grace adds. And she hangs up. Doris rewinds the tape and plays it. When it finishes, she smiles and says "perfect." Then Doris gets out a little bag and hunts around to find a drug capsule of some sort. "I want you to go to Newman Enterprises and put this in her drink." "What--what is it?" "It's a very strong sedative," Doris explains, "but it's on a time release. So it won't go into effect until tomorrow morning..." Sharon isn't sure what her Mom is up to, but decides to trust her. "Ok, I'll do it.. What then?" "Then you return home and leave the rest to me."

Just then, back at the diner, Miguel enters the diner and sees no one there. He calls out. "Veronica?" No answer. Thinking perhaps the problem is that she doesn't understand English, he tries again in Spanish. "Mi amor--esta's aqui'? Por que' no respondes?" Then he hears a noise out in the alley and goes outside to see Veronica (who is back to her mild-mannered self) sobbing. "Que' paso'?" Miguel asks. But she just stares at him blankly because while he thinks it's fun to speak to her in Spanish sometimes, she hasn't a clue what it means. "What happened?" he finally repeats in English. "I don't know," she moans. "Barry was coming after me, and he grabbed me, and then..." Miguel's macho blood boils. "If that man has spoiled you, I'll--" "I don't know what happened after that," Veronica says. Miguel helps her to her feet and the two re-enter the restaurant where an old man is leaning over Barry, and saying "Hey, what does a fella have to do to get some service around here?" But Barry is dead and not responding. Veronica and Miguel examine Barry's limp body. "This looks bad," Miguel says. "We should call the police..." "No, no police," Veronica says urgently. Miguel sighs. "Very well, then," he says, "we'd better at least clean this place up." "But what about my burger?" the elderly customer asks. "Meat's in the refrigerator. It's self-serve today," Veronica tells the man. Miguel starts to drag Barry toward the meat freezer but the customer is in the way. "Help yourself to several," Miguel says. "I'm going to need a lot of space in there..."

We sense another shift of day. It must be Tuesday. The camera shows us an alarm clock going off, but pans over to show too that Grace is sleeping through it. Cut to Doris's house, where Doris sits at a computer. She presses some keys and we hear a phone dialing. Over a speaker, we hear Nick answer. "Hello?" Doris types something and we hear Grace's voice say "This is ... Grace ...." "Hi Grace," Nick says. "When are you coming in?" "This is getting ... unpleasant for me," comes Grace's voice after a few more keystrokes from Doris. "I don't get it. You're not coming back to work for me?" Nick asks. "I don't think so ... I don't have time for you," is the carefully arranged reply. Then Doris does something to hang up the phone. The camera shows Nick is left in a panic, but Doris is left with a smug smile.

At Diane Newman's apartment, Marissa brings Diane the paper. "There's something in here you're going to like," she says. Diane turns away. "After the last news story, I don't think I can take another." "No, this is different," Marissa explains. "Do you remember you said what you really need is a housekeeper?" Diane nods. "Well, it looks like we're in luck. There's a housekeeper advertised here. It says she can start today." "Does she have any references?" Diane asks. "I don't want to hire someone without references." "I can call the hiring agency and ask," Marissa says. She leaves to make the call, but returns a short while later. "Unfortunately, they said the information about her is a little sketchy. She worked at the Newman Ranch for a while, but her employer had to go into the hospital for a while and there was nothing for her to do, so she left. She later reapplied, but Nikki Newman mysteriously refused to hire her back, but couldn't remember exactly why. Then Veronica worked at a diner for a while, but apparently her employer there met with an untimely death just recently." Diane thinks for a moment. "You say she didn't get along with Nikki Newman?" "That's right," Marissa says. "Well, that's good enough for me. Go ahead and hire her."

A short while later, Nick is sitting at his desk thumbing through a copy of Nepotism for Dummies when Doris rolls in. Nick looks up, a bit startled. "Mrs. Collins," he says, "what are you doing here?" "My girl says you're in danger of having Grace Turner spoil your marriage." "No, not exactly," Nick says. "I transferred her, and now she's not talking to me. The real danger now is that I'm going to be exposed for how little business I know." Doris smiles. "Then it's a good thing I stopped by, Nicholas, because I know a lot about business. I'm here to be your new Right Hand." "You?" Nick asks, uncertain of what to make of the proposal. "Why not me? I'm business savvy. I have little else to do with my life, so I can work long hours. And I have no interest in spoiling my daughter's marriage." "Well, I--" Nick says. "Thank you, Nick," Doris says. "Rarely have I received a job acceptance so elequently spoken." Nick shrugs. "Welcome aboard, I guess," he says.

A few hours later, Grace comes wandering in to Nick's office. Nick isn't there but Doris is. "I'm sorry," Grace says, "I must have the wrong office." Doris looks at her. "You got that right," Doris says. "Because this is Nicholas Newman's office." Grace is confused. "But that's where I wanted to be." Doris smiles. "Yes, child, I'm sure you did. But you see, you've been found out and so Nick has a new right hand." Grace raises an eyebrow. "You?" she says, with some disdain in her voice, looking down at the wheelchair. Doris is unperturbed. "In spite of what you may think," Doris says, "the real skill this job calls for is above the waist. And I can assure you I'm well qualified for that," Doris says. "But Nick--he needs me." "Well, now, if he needs you for work, then I'm sure you're welcome to stop by and drop off whatever report he needs or have whatever meeting you need to have. But just expect that I'll be there with him to--keep things easy for him... and for my daughter. Get my drift?" Grace frowns. "I'm afraid I do," she says, and she walks out of the office in a huff.

Jack shows up at Diane's apartment. "Hi, Sugar, I was just coming to see if perhaps you wanted to come out with me to get something to eat." "I'm not really hungry," Diane says. "Nice try, but no dice," Jack says. "You look like you haven't eaten right in weeks--and at this point I don't think it matters whether you're hungry or not--you have to eat." "I don't know, Jack, I--" Diane starts to protest. But just then there is a knock at the door. Diane starts to get it, but Marissa is faster. "Hello," Veronica says, "I'm Veronica Landers." Marissa shows her in. Miguel follows her in, carrying some bags. "This is my boyfriend, Miguel," Veronica explains. Diane comes to greet Veronica. "Hello, Veronica. Nice to meet you." She turns to Miguel. "Hello again, Miguel." Miguel nods politely. "Hello, sen~ora." Jack suddenly sees an opportunity. "Miguel, how are things with you at the Newman Ranch?" Miguel looks down. "Not very well, I am sad to say," he laments. "Not well?" Jack asks. "Well, I have been trying to convince Mrs. Newman--" Miguel pauses diplomatically, realizing the complexity of Diane's situation, which has now been made public thanks to Michael Baldwin. "Uh, I have been trying to convince the ALLEGED Mrs. Newman that she should hire Veronica here at the ranch so she can work with me, but Mrs. Newman has refused. And this leaves me very unhappy as you can well imagine." Jack gives an exaggerated nod of understanding.

"I wonder, Miguel, if you might not have considered going elsewhere." Jack asks carefully. "Elsewhere, Sen~or?" Miguel asks. "Well, here, for example," Jack says. Diane eyes Jack cautiously, "Jack, what are you up to?" Jack makes calming motions with his hands. "Just think about it for a minute," he says to both of them. "Miguel's not happy. He wants to be with his girlfriend. Diane's not eating. She needs good food around all the time. I'm seeing a real opportunity here for everyone." Diane gives Jack a terrified look. "Jack, you're proposing that I hire Miguel away from Victor and Nikki--with Victor's own money?" Jack says nothing but does smile at her. A very satisfied smile. "Jack, do you know what Victor will do?" she goes on. No answer. "He'll be furious! Who will cook his meals? How will he be able to have his impromptu pool parties?" Jack smiles. "It's about time old money-bags got used to slumming it like the rest of us," Jack says. "After all, by the time we get through with him, he won't be able to afford Miguel anyway. He should thank us for helping him get through this awful transition gradually..." Jack turns to Miguel. "So, what do you say, compadre? Is it a deal?" Miguel thinks for a moment and looks to Veronica, who is desperately trying to think of an excuse to keep Miguel at the Newman Ranch. "But what about Nikki?" Veronica asks quickly. "She's an innocent in this," Veronica adds. "Oh, she's not THAT innocent," Diane says. "Nikki deserves at least this much inconvenience, and probably a lot more." Veronica smiles ever so slightly at the idea that she might have an ally. Meanwhile, Miguel extends his hand to Jack. "It's a deal, Sen~or Abbott." But Jack points Miguel to Diane. "The deal is with Diane," Jack says. "Right," Miguel says, turning hopefully to Diane. Diane sighs and extends her hand. "I don't know what I'm letting you guys get me into, but ok. Welcome aboard the S.S. Titanic, Miguel."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 104!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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