Episode 102, originally published 04-Jul-98

Bright Ideas

Trisha answers the door at Ryan's apartment to find Megan. "Megan!" she says, "I din't expect to see you here today." "Can I come in?" Megan asks. "Of course," Trisha says. "Dare I ask if Ryan is here?" Megan probes cautiously. "No, Ryin's not here. He's still liveen' with his son," Trish replies. "... and his ex-wife," Meg adds, for no apparent reason other than just to rub it in. "Did you come by just to give me a hard time about Ryin?" Trisha responds indignantly. "No," says Meg, "I didn't. In fact, I came by to make a suggestion--something you might do to while away the hours." "I'm already workeen' on my Master's Degree at college." "Wow, hasn't Ryan only been gone two days?" Meg asks. "Yes, but Genoa City college offers a number of very specialized opshins," Trisha says. "Oh," Meg says, "I heard about that. Like the Nick Newman Program that lets you get a business degree in just one summer without really attending." "Exactly," Trish says, "only there's not just a Nick Newmin program. There's also a Christine Romalotti Memorial Law degree that works the same." "Wow," says Meg, "sounds like one of those restaurants where all the sandwiches are named after celebrities." "Right," says Trish, "only it's more like die-it sandwiches because the requirements are so light." "Well, that's perfect then," Meg says. "Because it leaves you time free between classes to follow up on my suggestion." "Which is?" Trish says, eyeing her sister uncertainly. "Which is that you should drop by Newman Enterprises and see if they have any jobs." "So I could pick up some money to pay for my Master's Degree!" Trisha says. "See? You're such a quick study, Trish. I wish I were more like you," Meg says. "You're pretty smart, too," Trisha says. "Maybe," Meg says. "But you're cuter." Trisha blushes. "Oh, Meg. I am so glad you came by to see me today. I feel so much bitter than I did when you arrived." They hug.

Esther is alone at the Chancellor Estate walking down one of the hallways we normally never see. Cobwebs dance all around, suggesting no one goes here much. "Kate?" she calls. "Little Kate?" No answer. "I'm sorry for forgetting you," she says. "Don't hide from me." Still no answer. "It's just that Mrs. C. has had me so busy these last few months and--" She opens a door and looks in. Then she slams it. "Oh, the smell," she says. She takes a deep breath and then opens it again. She says, "Oh, no, I'm too late." Then she slumps to the ground in a faint.

At Newman Enterprises, Nick is together with his father. "Dad, I gotta tell ya, Grace has gotten me out of a lot of jams lately. And she still lets me take all the credit. Can you believe my good fortune?" "Well, m'boy," Victor says, "as I've always told you, when one is rich, one must surround oneself with starving people who are hungry to get ahead because one can really take advantage of that." "Well, Grace is nice and thin," Nick says, trying to pretend he understands the import of his father's remark. "Perhaps you should give her a little raise," Victor says. "A raise? Do you think?" Nick says. "Yes, m'boy, I do." "But I thought you told me never to give raises to people who didn't ask for them." "Yes, that's usually true, m'boy," Victor agrees, "but in this case, I think that you will eventually learn that spoiling an attractive woman can reap you plenty of rewards down the road." "I don't get it, Dad," Nick says. "Don't worry, m'boy. I've gotten used to that." Nick is silent for a moment, but then eventually says: "So should we give her a new title to go with the raise?" Victor doesn't look that enthusiastic but plays along. "Well, now, I don't know. What kind of title were you thinking of?" "Well, let's see. Mostly she finds and corrects problems in my math. How about ``Professional Finder of My Math Errors''?" "Well, you really shouldn't put pronouns in a title, you know," Victor explains patiently. "Really? Why?" Nick asks. "It's just not done," Victor explains. "Well, how about ``Associate Finder of My Math Errors'' instead then," Nick asks. Victor frowns. "How about just ``Associate Finder of Math Errors''?" "That's perfect!" Nick says. He doesn't say it, but you can tell he wonders how his Dad can do things like that.

Later, Esther is in the laundry room at the Chancellor Estate, pacing back and forth. "What am I going to do?" she moans nervously. "Mrs. C. already thinks I'm a ditz, and now I've forgotten little Kate. Ohhhhh. I wish I hadn't named her after Mrs. C. She's going to be so sad to know her little namesake died of neglect. What on earth am I going to tell her? I just know she's going to be upset..."

Back in Nick's office, there's a knock at the door. Trisha enters, looking uncertain as to whether she's in the right place. Nick rises to greet her. "Hello!" he says. "Hi," Trisha says with a blush. "I'm not sure if I'm in the right place." "Don't worry about it," Nick assures her, "I ask myself that same question all the time. What brings you by?" "Well, I was thinkeen' maybe I'd apply for a job here at Newmin Interprises," Trisha explains. "What kind of job?" "I don't know. Anytheen', really. I heard some people talking in the hall about how you have a new ``Associate Finder of Math Errors''. I was thinking something like that might be fun and not too hard. What other kinds of errors do you make?" "Well," Nick says thinking. "I don't know. Maybe spelling errors?" "Spelleen'! Rilly??" Trisha asks. "Ryin would be so proud of me if I could do something importint like that." "That's right. I knew you looked familiar. You're that other woman that broke up Ryan's marriage to--uh---" "Nina?" Trisha says helpfully. "Right!" Nick says. "Glad to finally put a face with the various names I've heard for you around here." Trisha is embarrassed but pleased. "Wow, I'm famiss, too!" "You sure are," Nick says. "Anyway, let me talk to my dad and see what he says." "Will it take long?" Trisha asks. Nick shrugs. "Nah. Dad's always willing to take time out for me, and he always gives me what I want whether I deserve it or not." "Wow," Trisha says, "I never met innybody with that kind of business clout before." Nick smiles proudly and says. "Wait here, I shouldn't be a minute."

Grace enters Nick's office to find Trisha waiting. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I'm hoping I can help you," Trisha says. "Help me? But my job is helping--I find math errors," Grace explains. "I'm sort of Nick's right hand." "Well, then," Trisha says, "I guess I'll be his left hand. Sort of doing the theen's you've got your hand full with." Grace sighs. "And never knowing what the right hand is doing," she says under her breath. But Trisha hears her and laughs. "That's rilly funny," she says. "Anyway, my speshilty will be spelleen' ... I'm Trisha." Nick enters and says, "It's all set! Oh, hi, Grace." Grace says, "Nick, Trisha here was just telling me she's your..." "New left hand," Trisha says proudly. Nick nods to Grace. "Yep, she'll be going over our spelling errors and fixing them. Now, let's get you a desk and a dictionary and--" Trisha smiles broadly. "A dictionary?" she says. "This is sooooo great. I always mint to learn how to use one of those, and now I'll be using one all the time," she says proudly. Grace just sighs and mutters, "Let's hope so."

At the Chancellor Estate, it's evening and Katherine is about to leave for a charity function. "Now, I'll see you later tonight," Katherine says. "Have a nice evening, Mrs. C.," Esther says from the door as Katherine walks to the car. Robert opens the door and Katherine gets in. Then the two drive off. Esther closes the door and goes back in. Just then, Jill comes rushing downstairs. "Esther!" "What is it now?" Esther asks. "Where did Katherine go?" "Do I look like an information booth?" Esther asks. "Do I look like someone who would hesitate to strangle you for insubordination?" Jill asks furiously. "She's gone to a charity event," Esther says. "Good," Jill says, "she'll be gone for hours." "Jill? What are you up to?" Esther asks. "Esther," Jill says, "Do you realize that curiosity killed the cat? I've recently come into the acquaintance of some very large rats who'd be only too happy to do the deed, too." Jill starts back up the stairs when the power goes out and the room is left in total darkness. "Esther!" Jill yells. "You don't have to yell," Esther replies. "I'm right here." "Get me a kerosene lamp--there are some in the kitchen." "Why don't you get it yourself?" Esther says. Jill says, "Esther, I am still a guest in this house and--" "And what? You think Mrs. C. is going to fire me for not helping you? I bet she gives me a raise." Jill sighs and storms back down the stairs, groping toward the kitchen.

At the Newman Ranch, Victor is already in his bed sleeping. He wears pajamas and a pointed cloth hat with a ball of yarn at the end of the point. Suddenly, he is disturbed from his sleep by a voice in the distance. He goes to the stairs where he hears someone say, "Victor Newman, come on down." He descends the stairs and finds himself on a stage, where Doug Davidson greets him. "Paul Williams? What's this all about?" "I'm not Paul Williams," Doug explains. "I'm Doug Davidson. I only play Paul Williams on your show." Victor thrusts his tongue into the side of his mouth and considers what Doug has said to him. "Uh, huh," he says. "It's true," says Diane, walking past them on the stage. "Doug sometimes sidelines as the M.C. of this other show." "Well, I'll be damned," Victor says. "Very probably," says Diane. "When I get back to reality, I'm going to have Paul Williams investigate this whole matter and get to the bottom of it." "Speaking of bottoms," Diane says, "you've really been sinking to a new low lately with how you've been treating me." Victor turns to Doug. "Are you gonna let her get away with that or what?" Doug shrugs. "Maybe." "All she wants is my money, you know," Victor says. "Well, if The Price Is Right, maybe she'll be getting it." "Never," Victor says. "That woman's not going to see a penny of my money."

Back in the Chancellor attic, we find Jill looking around among the dust and spiders. She isn't finding what she is looking for, though. She goes through box after box. Still nothing. Suddenly, the power comes back on. Jill decides she'd better head back down. As she does, she sees a box marked "Phillip Chancellor, Private and Confidential". She smiles. "That's where I start tomorrow!" Jill says. "Oh, it's going to be such a good day tomorrow..." She takes the lantern back down to the kitchen just in time to hear Katherine entering the front door. A close call.

Doug shakes his head with glee at Victor's belief that he can keep his money from Diane. "I'm afraid, Victor, that you're just not up on how this show works. Now let me explain it to you. If you'll just look over to that little device Diane is next to, we'll explain it." "What is that thing?" Victor asks, turning his gaze almost vertically upward. "That, Victor, is a game called the Range Finder. This is how it works. We've had to adapt it slightly to show the full range of your money--that's why it goes up into the lower stratosphere. But I assure you, it is finite in height. Now, somewhere in there is the amount that you really owe her for all the hurt you've caused. If you can guess that amount, we'll pay the amount and you'll owe nothing. BUT if you guess wrong--particularly if you get greedy and lowball the amount-- you'll have to pay it all--plus a small fee for being allowed to appear on our show today." "Well, that's easy," says Victor, "because the woman deserves nothing. Stop that damned thing while it's still pointing to zero." "Are you sure?" "Of course I'm sure. I offered that woman a VERY generous settlement several inches higher than where I'm pointing to now and she didn't accept it. She got greedy. So now she deserves nothing." Doug shakes his head. "Ladies, will you light up the correct price." There is a pinging sound and Doug says, "I'm sorry, Victor, you were nowhere close." "I don't see it, Victor says." Doug calls offstage. "Can someone bring us some binoculars." A stage hand runs in with some and Victor looks through them. "Way up there, can you see it now?" Doug says pointing. "Way up there? Are you ought of your mind?" Victor says. "That's ridiculous."

A short time later, back at the Chancellor Estate, Katherine is with Esther. "So Jill has gone to bed?" Esther nods. "She was very tired after an evening in the attic. I don't know what she's looking for but she's determined." Katherine shakes her head. "Esther, I want you to go into town and run some errands for me." "But it's the middle of the night, Mrs. C." "That's why I'm sending YOU," Katherine says. "Do you think I should have to go into town in the middle of the night?" "No, Mrs. C., but I..." "You may have Robert drive you, of course." "Oh!" says Esther brightening. "Thank you!" Esther goes off to find him while Katherine sneaks into the kitchen and finds the lamp that Jill has left on the counter. She picks it up with a napkin so as not to disturb the prints and grabs a few ice cubes from the freezer. Then she goes back up to the attick and removes the protective glass from the lantern, breaking it into pieces on the floor. And she arranges the lantern to be on high burn, setting it down perched partly on some wood and partly on the ice cubes. The room is hot and the ice is melting. We can see it dripping. Soon the lantern will fall. "There," says Katherine to no one but the camera, "I don't know what Jill is after, but she's not going to find it. I'll see to that." She leaves and goes back downstairs.

On the set of The Price Is Right, Victor has just lost the game. "But!" Doug explains to Victor, "never let it be said that we're a mean lot here on The Price Is Right, because this isn't a normal Range Finder game. No, this is `Range Finder ONCE .... or TWICE'." "I don't get it," Victor says. "It's a variation of our `Hole in One or Two' golf game," Doug explains. Victor still doesn't appear to get it. "You don't watch a lot of CBS daytime programming, do you?" Doug asks. "Just get to the point," Victor says. "Time is money." "So good of you to put it that way," Doug says. "Now, in this game you see we have a little mountain climber and he's going to climb this little mountain of dollar bills we've set up." "And I tell you when he's as high as Diane wants? That's easy. It'll be at the top." "No," Doug explains, "as the climber climbs, you'll lose all the money he passes. All you have to do to stop him is admit you have wronged Diane horribly. A sincere apology." "I'm not going to do that..." Victor says. "Come on, Victor," Diane says. "I told them they should make you say you'd come back to me and they said that was being unreasonable. So we settled on this--which is comparatively easy. Just admit what a shyster husband you were, and we stop deducting money from your bank account." "What happens when it goes over the top?" Victor asks. "Then you have no more money and the game is over." "I'm not going to play," Victor says. Doug shrugs. "You can choose not to, but I'm afraid a Mrs. Phyllis Romalotti--a friend of Mr. Michael Baldwin--perhaps you've heard of him?--has already generously broken the security codes to all of your bank accounts worldwide and offered them over to us, so you have no more control of your money... well, unless you choose to apologize, of course."

From the bottom of the stairs, Katherine calls upward: "Jill!" A moment later, Jill arrives at the top of the stairs wearing a granny gown. "Come down here, I want to talk to you," she demands. Jill comes down. "I want to know what you've been doing in the attic," Katherine says. "Well, I--I was looking for something," Jill says. "In the dark? I understand there was a power failure." "Well, I took a lantern," Jill says. "Into that dusty attic? You could have started a fire!" "I was careful," Jill says. "You're sure?" Katherine asks. "Of course I'm sure, you old biddy," Jill says. "Why are you asking me these things?" "Because a lantern is missing from the kitchen and--ohmigod--do you smell smoke?" she asks. Jill looks up to see the upstairs ablaze. "The house is on fire!" Jill says. Jill starts to run up the stairs, presumably to rescue something from the attic. "Don't be a fool," Katherine says. "Come out of the house!" Jill almost doesn't come, but Katherine pulls her just in time to keep her from getting burned as a flash fire whooshes down the stairs on the all-too-flammable carpet that lines it. They run to the door and stand outside watching the house burn.

Victor stubbornly watches the climber head up the pile of money. As it does, a counter reads off the amount of money. About halfway up, the counter rolls over (too many digits) and the device counting the money explodes. Doug shrugs. "We don't need to know how much money after this point anyway--everyone knows it's a lot." He looks to Victor who looks like he might be trying to mouth the word "sorry" but he can't get it out. The climber keeps climbing. Suddenly, a bugle goes off as the man reaches top. "I'm sorry," Paul says, "You've lost all of your money to your ex-ex-wife Diane here because of a simple failure to admit what a shyster you are." The audience applauds wildly.

Suddenly, Victor wakes in a cold sweat. It was a dream. (Big surprise, huh?) He reaches for the phone and dials. John Silva answers. "Hello?" "I'm sorry to call you so late," Victor says. "We need to talk. I've decided I might be willing to up my offer to Diane just slightly." "Slightly? Victor, I'm not sure she really cares. How slightly?" "John, I want you to compute 50% of my holdings worldwide." "50%? Victor, you're not likely to have to pay that much unless we go to trial and the jury doesn't like you." Victor hears echos of the gameshow's applause in his mind. "I've been doing some thinking, John, and I think that might be just a bit more likely than I've been considering it. Now, draw up the paperwork, ahright?"

It's morning and Jill sits with Katherine huddled outside the house as firemen pick through the rubble. "Do you know what started it?" Katherine asks. The fireman nods. "It appears to have been started when a lantern that was left burning in the attic fell over and broke." Katherine looks at Jill. "Jill! And you said you were careful?" "I didn't do that!" Jill says defensively. "No? And who else was spending all evening rattling around up there with a lantern? Of COURSE you did it." She reaches out to try to strangle Jill. The two roll around in the wet, smoldering ash of the driveway where the house used to be. Just then someone calls out, "I found a body. Looks like a child." Esther, who's been sitting nearby biting her fingernails gets up and screams, "Kate!" Katherine looks very upset. "Ohmigod! I forgot you had a daughter," Katherine says; her tone is apologetic, but she does not explain why. Esther is just glad not to be getting blamed for the death. "That's ok, Mrs. C., I often used to forget, too. But now she's dead...." Esther bursts into tears. She may not be a good mother, but she did care about the girl. Salena Wiley walks up to Jill and says, "Jill Abbott?" Jill looks at her and says. "Of course I'm Jill Abbott. This was my house that burned last night." "Your fire, maybe. Not your house," Salena says. "Mrs. Abbott, you're under arrest for arson and first-degree murder. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you." "Well, then you'll have a lot of good things to use against her," Katherine laughs, "because she's never been known to stay quiet for long!"

Across town, Nina and Ryan are home with young Phillip. Ryan gets up to move toward the door. "Where do you think you're going?" Phillip asks. "I'm afraid I'm going to see my fiance," Ryan explains. "No you're not," Phillip explains. "Now, Phillip, you can't make your father stay here all the time. Trisha has been really patient and he nees to see her." "No, he doesn't," Phillip asserts. "He needs to stay. He HAS to stay." A baseball goes whizzing in Ryan's direction. "Hey, how many times have I told you not to throw the ball in the house," Ryan says. "He didn't throw anything," Nina says. "I was watching him. Where did that come from?" Just then, some steak knives from the table fly up and go spinning toward Ryan, catching his shirt just above the shoulder and pinning him to the door. "I said," Phillip repeats, "you HAVE TO stay." Nina looks at Phillip, whose eyes have turned a brilliant red, and says "Phillip, what are you doing?" The wind starts to blow, even though the windows are closed. Phillip glares at his mother and says, "Oh, put a sock in it." Just then, a pair of folded socks from a pile on the couch goes flipping toward her and sticks in her mouth. "That's better," he says. "Now be quiet. I DON'T want to have to set fire to you." He turns back to his father. "So, Dad, what do you say you don't go out after all and instead you stay in and we watch a good football game together. Just the two of us. Mom can bring us Doritos and stuff--if she hasn't eaten them all again. Won't it be fun?"

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 103!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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