Episode 1, originally published 05-Oct-96

Reveling in Revelations

The membership of the Genoa City Spouse-Swapping Club again get separate calls from the mystery woman. Another mystery dinner? Cole grumbles, "This is becoming a bit cliche'. Next time you organize one of these things, call me in as a plot consultant, ok?" Victoria is irritated, too: "I have caviar and champagne ordered in for dinner at the office all the time. I want something different to eat so bad I can taste it. See if Henri can find us something a little more exotic, huh?" Even Ryan is upset. "Damn it, you called me last minute the other time, too. By time I could get there, the little shrimp balls were cold. If I don't start getting more timely notice, I'm going to stop coming." And Nina whines, "Aren't you the person who called before and broke up my marriage? It sounds like you. And I'm pretty sure it was at the Private Dining Room then, too. I didn't appreciate losing my husband, and I don't know if this is such a good idea, but ok, I'll do it. Just let me drop Philip off with my mom and stop off at the hairdresser to have my hair done up, then I'll be right over." (No problem. It's right before the event for Ryan, but Nina still has plenty of time. Soap timelines are very flexible that way.)

Lynn drops by Paul and Cricket's house. They aren't there but Mary is there, rearranging the plants. Lynn and Mary chat. Lynn admits her surprise that Mary is coping so well with Paul's recent marriage--she says she thought Mary would never accept any woman as "good enough" for Paul. Mary says that Lynn is basically right, and that's why she keeps pointing Paul at Lynn--she knows no one would ever seriously be attracted to Lynn and so it's been a way to camoflauge the real truth that no one is good enough for her Paul. Lynn looks momentarily hurt, but it fades as quickly as do all other emotional injuries she's suffered on the show and they continue chatting amiably. Mary goes on to explain that Cricket is a special case because she's perfect in every way and it's as if she was sent by Bell himself, and that she basically had no choice but to accept him. Lynn nods understandingly.

Danny drops by to see Phyllis, who is thrilled. "Is Little Danny here?" He is, and they play for a while. Danny comments, "is it my imagination or is Little Danny looking more and more like a girl?" Phyllis pouts. "I wanted it to be a surprise. But guess what?? I got Danny a sex-change operation! He was seeming depressed at being a boy, so I thought I'd perk him up. And you've been remarking at how happy he seems recently..." Danny's jaw has dropped. "You what?!" Phyllis gives him one of those innocent smiles like she can't figure out why he's upset. "Oh, and she's spelling her name D-a-n-i now." Danny sticks his hand down little Danielle's pants to verify that Phyllis is serious about the ultimate indignity. Phyllis snaps a photo of Danny with his hands in this naughty place. Before he can move to destroy the camera, Phyllis tosses it to Joanie who is (as always) just where she is needed--this time in running gear waiting by the door to run to the all-night 1-hour photo developing place. After she leaves, Phyllis warns Danny she'll use the photo as evidence he's been molesting little Danielle unless he behaves in the future. "And you can start by remarrying me," she concludes. "Oh, Danny, this is going to work out great," she squeals with glee as he leaves in a fury.

Cliff sees they're going to drag out his plot and can't bring himself to be party to it. He hangs himself. (It's the mid-week cliff-hanger). Hope is sad, but Victor offers to "fill her void" and the two of them head to Las Vegas.

Nikki goes with Josh to Las Vegas. There, she sees Victor and he sees her. Nikki stubbornly pushes ahead with the wedding, trying to block Victor from her mind. The Landers head to their hideaway in a mountain cabin.

Mrs. Landers gets in bed in her best daisy nightgown, while Mr. Landers gets a coil of rope. She looks excited. "Why doctor, I never knew ...". He ties her up and then proceeds to get dressed. She whines. He goes to the garden and gets a big clump of daisies and sticks it in her mouth to muffle her. She continues to whine, but we can no longer make out the words. As he packs, he reveals his scheme. "The `cyst ruse' works two-fold. It gives me an excuse not to have sex with you so I don't have to catch any awful diseases. And on the death certificate, I'll put cancer. If you'd been smart enough to get a second opinion, I'd have just claimed it was a miraculous recovery... since there never really was a cyst." He grabs her bank cards and bids her farewell, as he opens the door to leave, intending that she starve to death during the long winter.

Victor and Hope are at the JP's getting married. Victor is asked if he takes Hope as his bride. He says, "uh, look. i have to do something. i can't explain now. just wait here, ok?" and then rushes out. Hope sighs. The justice of the peace asks, "does this happen a lot?" Hope nods. "Every day."

Cut to Victor, parachuting in from the private jet, wearing his black leather rescue jacket. He catches Josh, who is just getting in his car. A fight ensues. Victor wins, and locks Josh in the trunk of the car. He then rushes inside to Nikki. "It's ok, my former wife," he tells her, "the marri-age will be annulled since you obviously never had sex. Perhaps now you'll learn to listen to me when I tell you to wait..." He tugs on her heart-strings ... uh, ... ropes. She spits out all but one daisy, which she retains for visual effect. They make love.

It's the evening of the same day. No, the morning two days hence. Maybe it's the day before, actually. Oh, who can really tell, anyway. It's another scene and that's all we care about. We're at the private dining room. The Lips couch has been hauled out of the Jabot basement where the Bug was chained to it for weeks, and apparently even de-liced because it looks presentable. The GC Spouse-Swapping Club is pacing around wondering what's up. Finally, Leanna Love enters. "Hi, guys. I heard romances were falling right and left in good old GC since I ducked out, so I figured I'd return and revive my advice show. But I needed something hard-hitting as a season-opener, so I got this brilliant idea: First, I advise a famous author. Then, I advise a famous billionaire's daughter and reknowned spoiled brat. Then, I advise a famous heiress. Then, a famous--" (She looks at Ryan.) "Well, ok, we'll work on that. "But then, on Friday we can drop the REAL bombshell and reveal to the audience that all of our guests for the week have been sharing the SAME problem. Then, right there on the air, I'll tell you who you should end up with, and we'll all go live happily ever after. Well?? What do you think?"

Sharon and her honey continue to ride the roller coaster of acceptance and non-acceptance. Thwarted by the failed attempt at an abortion, Sharon is ready for the next best thing. She goes to a cryogenic lab and asks whether she and her baby can just be frozen until a solution is found. The receptionist explains that certainly this is possible, and that in fact a few years back they had to do this for the Newman family before when a small child named Nicholas became an inconvenience. He points to a cryocontainer that he expects to be empty, but is aghast when he sees that it still contains the young Newman. He searches frantically for a container that has been prematurely defrosted until he finds one that says "Cro-Magnon Man / Missing Link". "OH, NO! He says. This is terrible. Could you come back tomorrow? I have to talk to our lawyers about something right away."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 2!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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