Episode 70, originally published 26-Oct-97

[Author's Note: Warning! This episode is rated AWO-M. For mature audiences only!]

Dumbage & 'Bomination

Detectives Bates and Wiley are in the lunchroom of the Genoa City Police Station chuckling over their abusive treatment of Ryan. Salena says, "Don't you just love it when a suspect is as distracted as Ryan was on some peripheral matter--" "Yeah, like his wife's health," Bates chimes in. "Exactly!" Says Salena. "He was so worried about the old bag he didn't even care that he was handing us all we needed to convict him." A grungy looking street person sits nearby awaiting something. He wheezes, "If he was caring about his wife so much, why would he have shot her in the first place?" Salena glares at him, "Shut up, old man. Another impertinent question like that and we'll put you next on the list of people to harass."

Paul, Cricket, and Danny are in New York after talking to Brian. Paul gets a phone call from Lynne. "One of our key clients is about to pull out, Paul," says Lynne. "I'll be back right away," says Paul. He hangs up and asks if anyone wants to go along with him. Big surprise--Cricket and Danny will stay. Paul shrugs, kisses Cricket, grabs his briefcase and heads off. As he closes the door and walks to the elevator, a door opens and Lynne pops her head out. "Psssst!" she whispers, "Paul, it's me!" Paul looks very surprised. "Lynne? I thought you just called me from Genoa City." "Sorry, boss. I made up the whole thing. Come here, I want to show you what I've got set up." He enters the room and we can see a bunch of high tech recording equipment set up. On the TV are Danny and Cricket talking to each other, but the volume is turned down. "Lynne, that's the room I just came from!" Paul says. "That's right, Boss. I think these two are about to have an affair and I thought I'd get the evidence for you." "Lynne, they're not about to do any such--" He stops as he sees Danny and Cricket kiss. "Turn up the volume," Paul says. "I want to hear this..."

Bates and Wiley continue their discussion. "If I can pin this on Ryan McNeil, they'll have to promote me. I don't care what they keep saying about what a great guy Carl Williams was and how he's coming back--I've done my time in this role and it's time I got what I was due. I mean, look at how I prosecuted Jill Abbott--" "Hey, wasn't she later found innocent?" the street person interjects. "On a technicality," Salena says. "That she was innocent? That was a technicality?" the street person says. "Technically, yes," says Salena. "But now, Ryan, on the other hand..." she adds. "But you two just said Ryan probably didn't do it." Detective Bates turns to the man and says in a stern voice, "Listen, Buster, have you been listening or what? The commander-to-be here's already said that's a mere technicality. It's not our job to worry about guilt and innocence. It's our job to build respect for law enforcement. Ya got that?" The man nods. "Oh, I see. Yeah, I got that," he says in almost a whisper.

Paul is in bed with Lynne. The flickering light on them suggests they are still watching the TV view of Cricket's room, where she and Danny have presumably fallen into the sack by now. Paul and Lynne are wide awake staring at the screen. "Wow," says Lynne, "this surveillance stuff really gets my motor going." Paul sits up and sips some champagne. "Me, too," he says. Then his eyes widen and he adds, "Wow--Chris never did that with me," he says, pointing at the screen. "Oh, you like that, do you, boss? I'll make a note," says Lynne. "Thanks, Lynne. You're the best." "Took you long enough to realize," Lynne mutters. On the TV, Cricket is reaching for the phone. "Uh, oh--she's going to make a call--what if she calls the office?" Paul asks. "Relax, boss. It'll forward to here..." There is the muffled sound of a phone ringing. Lynne opens a suitcase near the bed and picks up one of several phones. This one is labeled `Office/Paul'. "Paul Williams Investigations," Lynne says with an official tone. "Lynne, it's Chris. Is my husband there?" "Chris!" Lynne says with feigned enthusiasm. "Yes, he's here. One sec." She holds out the phone and says (presumably for Cricket's benefit), "It's your wife." Paul takes the phone and says, "Hi there. How's the undercover work?" Cricket is uncomfortable with the needling, and tries to avoid the question. "Uh, something's come up," she says, not knowing that Paul can see what she's eyeing as she says it. "I'm going to be here in New York a bit longer than I thought." Paul shakes his head sadly but admits nothing. "Well, just know I'm with you in spirit," Paul says. She nods and hangs up.

Bates is virtually salivating over their technique this time around. "I gotta hand it to you, Detective Wiley, that was such a good idea of yours to ask him FIRST if he'd touched the gun BEFORE mentioning his fingerprints. The look on his face when he changed his story was--well, it makes you wish you had a hidden camera." "What would a hidden camera do? Are you guys stringing for one of those sensationalized cop shows?" the street person asks. Salena sighs. "No, old man. It's purely for law enforcement purposes. When the perp sees himself--" "Or herself," Bates says. "Right, himself or herself, on the TV saying really embarrassing things, well, ... it really nails the case down. Juries just eat that stuff up." "But you didn't have one with Ryan," the street person says. "No," she says. "It was checked out by someone from our undercover unit on police corruption." The street person nods. "That'd be me," he says, revealing the camera that's been taping this conversation. He stands, places the camera (still rolling) on the table, and pulls a latex mask from his face. "Carl Williams!" says Salena, surprised. "The same," says Carl. "And I'm glad to know these camera things hold up so well in court." He nods to two other detectives who move in to cuff Salena and Bates. "Detectives Bates and Wiley, you're under arrest for the abuse of your office, harrassing civilians, and generally being repeated screw-ups. If you have anything to say in your own defense--anything I haven't already captured on videotape, I mean--I'd suggest you save it until you have a lawyer."

Nikki is looking out of her living room window with a pair of binoculars. The phone rings and Sarah answers. "Landers residence... Oh, just a minute-- she's right here." Nikki doesn't turn from the window but asks impatiently "Who is it?" "It's your daughter, ma'am," says Sarah. "She says it's important." Nikki sighs, removes one of her daisy earrings, and juts her hand out for the phone--all without turning from the window. "Victoria?" she says distractedly when Sarah has handed her the phone. "Hi, Mom, I was wondering if you noticed that Jack had dropped by." Nikki nods and says, "I had indeed. He's down at the Tack Estate--" "Looking through the window at whatever Cole and Ashley are doing," Victoria finishes. "How do you know that?" Nikki says. "Because, Mom, I'm upstairs in my room doing just what you're doing--watching Cole and Ashley myself. But Mom, I can't see any more because Jack's head is in the way." Nikki says, "I know. Isn't that the most aggravating thing?" Victoria says, "So I was wondering if you could find some way to get him to move." "Me? Why me?" "Well, you're closer. And besides, I don't want to risk letting Cole know I'm paying attention to his house." Nikki says, "Well, Victoria, if you were just LIVING with your husband you wouldn't have to be spying on him." "Oh, Mom, please spare me. Are you going to help me or not?" "Ok, ok. I guess I can leave my post at the window just this once, but you have to tell me everything that happens later, agreed?" "Oh, yeah, sure. Like I'm going to tell you every little adulterous detail..." "If you want me to get Jack to move, you will." "Ok, ok. We're wasting too much time. Who knows what they could be doing in there."

Joani is laying on the living room couch reading a magazine and Little Daniel runs in. She drops the magazine to the floor, and Daniel responds by dropping his airplane and jumping up on her. He pushes one arm back above her head and starts to carress her breasts as he leans down and tries to force a tongue kiss on her. Joani jumps up, knocking Daniel about half way across the room. "Daniel!" she squeals. "What are you doing??!" He looks at her, confused. "Aren't you my friend?" he says. "Of course I'm your friend, Daniel, but-- Daniel, you just can't--" He cuts her off. "Mom said that that's what friends do. That friends hug and kiss their friends all the time." "Well, Daniel, not like that." "But she was hugging and kissing her friend Michael." Joani struggles for a good explanation. "Daniel, Michael is her lawyer." "So?" he asks. "Well, you know that everything that happens between a lawyer and their client is confidential, don't you?" He nods. "Ok, then. So when you see your mom and Michael together, you have to pretend you don't see, ok?" "Ok," he says with a sigh.

Nikki puts down the phone and calls Sarah. "Yes, Mrs. Landers?" Sarah says. "Sarah, see that a glass of lemonade is delivered on a platter to Jack Abbott down in front of the Tack Estate, will you? And make sure he knows I sent it." "Right away, ma'am," she says and goes back into the kitchen. Nikki goes back to her watching but when Sarah doesn't come back out, she goes to peek into the kitchen where she sees Sarah on a cell phone looking through binoculars at the Tack Estate. "Sarah! I thought I asked you to--" The new maid cuts her off: "--to see that some lemonade is delivered. It's being delivered as we speak." She points with her binoculars. Nikki raises the binoculars that hang around her neck and looks through the kitchen window with them. "Oh!" she says, as she sees Miguel come from the direction of Nick's house to deliver the lemonade. "I called Miguel to do it. He was on his way back from Nick and Sharon's anyway, and--" "And that way you wouldn't have to miss any of the action down at the Tack Estate." Sarah blushes. "Yes, ma'am." Nikki looks as Jack finally moves from the window. "Wow, you can really see well from in here," she comments. "Well, we servants have to be on top of the goings on around here," Sarah says apologetically. Nikki nods. "Yes, I suppose you do. Well, thank you Sarah. I'm sorry I doubted you." She goes back into the living room to greet Jack.

At the police station, we see Little Daniel being brought in in handcuffs. "I demand to make a phone call," he says. He is led to a phone and handed a quarter. "Do you need help dialing?" Detective Adams asks him. "Get away, I can do it myself," Daniel says, pulling a scrap of paper from his pocket and starting to dial.

Jack enters with Miguel, who immediately ducks into the kitchen. "Hello, Nikki," Jack greets the lady of the house. "Hello, Jack," she says. "I guess I don't have to ask what brings you by," she says with a smile. "Nor do I have to ask how you knew I was here," he says, casting his gaze to the binoculars around her neck. "Oh, these? No, I--found them laying around the house. They're probably Victoria's..." There is a sudden commotion at the stairs and Victoria comes charging down. "Mom! They're going to do it if we don't do something!" Victoria says. Jack chuckles at the binoculars around her neck and mutters to Nikki, "No, I don't think they're hers." Nikki turns to the kitchen, but before she can utter half of Miguel's name, Miguel enters with a tray of two lemonades. Jack says, "And with that timing, I don't suppose they're Miguel's either." Miguel zips out the back and goes rushing toward the Tack Estate to meddle with what otherwise would be certain adultery as the conversation in the living room lightens a bit. "That was close," Victoria says. "It certainly was," Nikki says, "I just don't know how much of this I can take." She picks up her coat and starts to rush out. "Where are you going, Mom?" "To tell your father he cannot have any more children. I know I take a lot of heat for having nothing to do all day, but being a busybody is HARD WORK and I just don't think I can keep doing it for another twenty years. Now your father is just going to have to see reason on this vasectomy issue and that's that!" She slams the door behind her.

In the privacy of an interview room, Cricket asks Little Daniel what happened. "I tried to rob a liquor store," Daniel says. "And why?" "I thought it would help get me friends," Daniel says. "And did it?" "Well, you're my friend, aren't you?" She nods, "Of course, I'm your friend. I'm also your godmother." "My fairy godmother?" "No, not a fairy godmother. Just a friend godmother." "Oh good!" he says. "Then it worked." He jumps up on her and repeats what he tried with Joani. "Daniel! What are you doing??" she cries. "Phyllis said I could. She said this is what people do when they're friends. That they hug and kiss." "Not like that!" Cricket says, completely horrified. "I'm going to get your father in here to have a talk with you." He pulls a whip from his pants leg and snaps it at Cricket. "Stop it right there, Counsellor," he says with an evil grin. "You're bound by attorney-client privilege, remember?"

Jack chuckles. "What's so funny?" Victoria asks. Jack says, "Just the thought of the Big V confronting the Big V, that's all." He laughs again. "Well, you know what they say," Victoria says enigmatically. "What's that?" Jack asks. "Small minds are amused by small things," she says. "Hey, you accusing me of having a small mind?" "Jack Abbott," she says, "I never accused you of being small. But you're welcome to follow me up to my room and prove it if you want..." She turns and walks back up the stairs. Jack follows behind her haltingly calling up the stairs. "You're forgetting, young lady, that I used to be your father," he says. "STEP father," she says. "And now an EX-step-father. Certainly no blood relative," she says as she disappears into her room. Jack is out in the hall. "Victoria, I was just down at the Tack Estate--it looks like things aren't going so well with you and your husband. Do you want to talk about it?" She calls to him, "No, I don't want to TALK about it. Will you get in here? We're wasting time!"

Jack is sweating a little. "Victoria, your mother--" "Come on, Jack. Mom's out of the house." "But what would she say?" "She'd be glad you and I got to spend some quality time together." "As father and daughter." "Oh, Jack, she romanticizes everything. She's on her way to talk to her other husband right now. I can't help that she lives in the past. I need to live in the present, Jack." "But, I, Diane--" "Oh, I see. You want to live in the past, too. She married my father, Jack. Besides, maybe if you hang out with me, I can arrange some double dates for us--you and me and Dad and Diane." "Victoria, I can't," he protests. "You're just a little--" She steps back out into the hall in her standard-issue Y&R dominatrix outfit. "Little?" She asks. "Diane had an outfit just like that," Jack mutters. "Silence!" she says, cracking her whip. "They're on sale at Fenmore's. I'm sure everyone in town has one by now. But they were such a good price, I could hardly resist. And anyway, there are just too many spineless women around this town. It's about time some of us took a little charge around here. Now get in that room before I have to spank you!"

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 71!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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