Episode 16, originally published 21-Jan-97

A Lively Episode--Not!

The doorbell rings at Phyllis' apartment and Danny answers. It's Cricket. "Hi, uh--I didn't call ahead--am I interrupting anything?" Danny shakes his head. "No, no--it's a fine time to visit. Come on in and sit down." She seats herself on the couch and asks, "Where's Phyllis?" "Oh, she and Joanie went shopping with Little Daniel. It's just the two of us." She offers an ambiguous smile, halfway between relief and satisfaction. "I'm sorry I didn't bring a present for you at the wedding..." "Oh, you don't have to do that, Cricket." "Oh, but I do," she says. "It's a tradition." She stands and drops her clothes to the floor. "One last fling, Danny. For old time's sake. What do you say?" Danny's jaw drops and he stares for a moment as we fade to commercial.

Kurt and Ashley arrive in Cape Cod and proceed to the police station. "Help you folks?" the police sergeant asks. "Yes, we're here in regard to the Costner matter," Ashley explains. "Oh that. He's been moved; you should try Framingham." Kurt and Ashley look at each other, both confused. Ashley inquires cautiously, "He?" The sergeant is now confused, too.. "Yeah, the guy that did it--looks a lot like your friend there, come to think of it. What'd you say your name was?" "Costner, Kurt with a K Costner." "Oh, no wonder. Yeah, I remember now, it was Curt with a C Costner that got sent up. I always wondered why he was so careful about the spelling that way. You guys related?" "Twins," Kurt replies.

Danny and Cricket are together in bed, still sweaty, with the sheets pulled up over them in a standard soap opera "we did it" pose. Phyllis enters and sees them together. "Danny!" she screams, "How could you do this to me? And not with just any person but with that stupid insignificant little b--bug!!" She walks to the bed and starts to raise her fist to Cricket and then stops. Cricket smirks at her, "I guess you don't have quite the hold on Danny that you thought you had." Phyllis slowly reaches for the bedside table, pulling open a drawer. In it, she finds a gun and a pair of scissors. She takes the gun and nudges the scissors toward Cricket. "Cut it." "Cut what?" Cricket asks, confused. "That stupid icky stringy hair of yours. Cut it!" Cricket takes the scissors and jerkily does as she is told, cutting an uneven ring around her hair. "Now don't do anything you'll regret," says Cricket. Phyllis giggles. "Well, if you insist, Cricket. I WAS going to let you go, but I'm sure I'll regret it. So......" She aims the gun at Cricket's chest and shoots her. Her arms and legs flail briefly and then she stops, dead.

Outside the police station, Kurt hears the voices again and falls against a tree and sits in the snow at its base. "Are you ok, Kurt?" "It's coming back to me Ashley." Ashley sits in the snow next to him. "Isn't it cold sitting in the snow in that dress?" he asks. She shrugs. "Didn't notice. People are always saying I'm seeming cold lately--maybe they're right." "Well, I'm cold. Let's continue on to my wife's grave," Kurt suggests. They get up, brush the snow off, and continue down the street and into a graveyard. "This is a little creepy," says Ashley. "Now even I am feeling cold," she adds. Kurt doesn't hear her though--he's lost in his memories. "I remember it all now. I think this was a very bad idea," says Kurt. "Out with it," she says.

Phyllis is still staring at the mess she's made shooting Cricket. Danny takes the gun from her and sets it on the table, holding her in his arms. "Oh, Phyllis, I'm so sorry," he says. Phyllis gets suddenly panicked. "They'll be coming for me Danny. You have to tell them how it was--you have to tell them. I saw you with Cricket and I went temporarily insane--I was out of my mind at the moment I did it." Danny starts to laugh and laugh. "What??" "An insanity defense?" he says. "It suits you. But don't push it... I don't think anyone's going to believe the `temporary' part."

Victoria is with Tony in the coffeehouse. "All right, out with it Tony. You don't care at all about me--you're just interested in my family's money, aren't you?" "Maybe," he says with his typical, mysterious obstinance. Then he adds, "Maybe not." "Well, which is it?" Victoria says, as if she really expects him to blurt it out. "I have to admit that you're not the attraction..." "I knew it," she says instantly. "But not for the reason you think. Really I'm interested in your brother... he is SUCH a hunk. And I have to admit the fact he stands to receive a juicy inheritance doesn't hurt." Victoria does a double-take, intrigued, then asks, "So,... you figured you could just hang around with Grace as an excuse to meddle with the marriage between my brother and Sharon?" "Something like that," he says, then asks: "You gonna rat on me?" "Maybe," she says coyly, parroting his earlier response, "maybe not. Frankly, I'm not so sure my brother and Sharon belong together. Maybe it would be fun to see you get your chance to spice things up ... how about if I get you a position at Jabot so you can continue to hang around for a while." "Hey, that'd be cool," he says. "I'll make it worth your while."

Back from commercial, we find Danny still laughing. The camera draws back from his face to Cricket who stands in front of him nude in the living room. "Danny! You phased out there. Are you all right?" He stops abruptly. "Sorry, Chris. I, uh, was lost in thought there for a moment. Look, you can probably tell by my reaction that I'm not really interested. I'm sorry, but given a choice between you and Phyllis... well, I just can't believe you'd think a guy would--I mean--it's really great that Paul is willing to overlook that time he had with Phyllis and stay with you--" "He told you about that?" She asks, amazed. "Of course he did. Guys always compare notes on these things. After his description, I was amazed he stayed with you..." Phyllis enters suddenly and eyes Cricket up and down. "Cricket dropped by, but she's not staying," Danny explains hastily. Phyllis nods: "If that's all she's got to offer, I can see why Danny. No wonder Paul was so receptive that time--" "He was NOT receptive, he was disgusted," Cricket replies defensively. Phyllis just shakes her head sadly. "Uh, I don't THINK so. Have you thought about getting your little bug-eyed vision checked? That wasn't disgust he was telegraphing over his antenna, I assure you. Anyway, if you don't mind, I left Little Daniel with Joanie so I could be with my husband, so if you can get yourself back into those discarded wraps you've moulted all over my living room floor, I'm sure you can find your way out..."

The Jabot board room. John, Jack, Jill, and Nick are gathered around the table. Tony stands at the head of the table, waiting to begin. "Ashley's gone to Cape Code and we shouldn't expect her," Jack says. John nods and prompts him: "Then you'd better get started, young man. Time is money." Tony nods and starts in, "Mr. Abbot, distinguished members of the board, as you know, Jabot's youth product line, Brash and Sassy, has been primarily targeted at teenage girls and women." John chimes in, "Yes, that's because it's women who wear perfume." Tony shakes his head, "With all due respect, Mr. Abbot, these are the 90's, and there are a lotta would-be customers out there who wish to no longer live in the closet." There is whispering about the room as Tony makes a dramatic gesture and prepares to pull a cover from the poster on an easel next to him. "Of course, in so short a time and with so little training, I could never have designed a new fragrance, so I had to work with our existing scents. But I'm sure no one will care--the point here is packaging and image. Allow me to present Jabot's latest--for men who would be women, and vice versa: Butch and Sissy." All gasp in amazement, but John is apparently embarrassed more than the others. He starts to object, but then collapses.

"Ok, Ashley" Kurt says, "but don't say I didn't warn you. It wasn't my wife after all. It was Curt-with-a-C's wife. I was having an affair with her, and then she decided to call it off. I was so mad, I drove her and her daughter into a river and stood by to watch them drown. I had arranged an alibi for myself, but a lot of people saw me and so they assumed it was my brother. He's been sent to prison for life." Ashley is stunned. "Gee, Kurt. That's not at all what I expected. I, uh, don't know what to say." "I feel so relieved to have it out. It's very good of you to be so understanding. How about settling down here with me." Ashley is still incredulous. "Uh, let me give you a rain check on that Kurt. I've got to be going." Kurt stares at her with cold eyes. "You're not backing out on me are you? It's VERY important to me to have people's trust. Haven't I always said that? That trust in me is important? I remember now what I do when people who don't trust me... and you WON'T like it."

That's all for this episode. Hope you learned something. Don't miss Episode 17!
If you missed any older episodes, see the index.

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